We all have our “theories” on what’s attractive. A few notable psychologists have weighed in on it too. Some theories sound fairly reasonable and then you get Freud’s proposed Oedipus complex that sounds borderline game of thrones. 🤢
I won’t get into the details but there’s a fair consensus that our parents play a big role in what we’re attracted to. No Clint, that can’t be! Hang on now, hear me out. I do believe that this has some merit.
Think about it, we learn how to love and how to be loved through the relationships that we witness in our childhood. Our model of how men and women are supposed to carry themselves is based on the people in our lives. So, it’s reasonable to assume that our childhood imprints on us and this carries forward into adulthood.
It makes sense though, after braving the harsh realities that are adult life, we want our partner to feel like home. A safe space, if you will… or at the very least a familiar space, a comfort zone of sorts. Hence, we gravitate toward what’s familiar.
I know what you’re thinking… That’s all fine and dandy Clint but how is this a sign that my relationship is “possibly” doomed?
What if we can use this knowledge as a litmus test for relationships? A handy tool to spot a possible red flag.
If you look at a person’s family and then their exes, you should see a pattern of what they’re attracted to. And I’m not just referring to physical attributes but mindset, ambition… the works. Now, put yourself in that line-up. Do you fit or are you the odd one out? Do you differ from the usual suspects? If you do, I’ve got some bad news for you. It’s probably not going to work out.
Could I be wrong? Sure, this isn’t cast in stone and there are probably a few exceptions to the rule but I’ve seen the blood drain from people’s faces quite often as they give their past and present relationship some thought.
On the flip side, it’s humbling to think that when someone is attracted to you, it’s because you remind them of someone that means the world to them.
Alternatively, it’s absolutely frightening to think that as a parent, a flawed human being, you have to embody the caliber of person that you want your child to end up with.
But there’s also a bright side to this, we have a tendency of getting cut up when we’re attracted to someone and the feelings aren’t mutual. We ask ourselves what’s wrong with me? Why aren’t I good enough for them? Some people get stuck in the friendzone and try to convince the person of their “worthiness” as a potential partner. Listen, a lot of attraction is subconscious, and based on the above, it has nothing to do with you and there’s nothing you can do to change this. Yes, unrequited love burns but use this insight as the proverbial ice to treat that burn.
I wish I was wrong about this but I’ve seen it to be true in my life and in others. What do you think?